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14 Things Confident People Would Never Do—So You Shouldn’t Either

Show, don’t tell. No really, telling people how confident you are is one of the surest ways to convince them otherwise.

Get defensive when corrected

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Confident people understand their own talents and faults and are able to politely accept constructive criticism. “Accepting feedback graciously exudes quiet confidence and perceived competence, both qualities that increase perceived capability,” says Wendy Patrick, JD, PhD, author and behavioral expert. “They regard feedback not as threatening, but as a training opportunity and a chance to improve.” If this doesn’t come easily to you, don’t worry—here’s how to handle criticism in any situation.

Try to please everyone

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There’s a difference between wanting to help others and devoting yourself to making everyone like you. The former is noble while the latter is impossible and will ultimately kill self-confidence, says Joseph R. Sanok, MA, a licensed professional counselor, business coach, and author of Practice of the Practice. “People pleasers often have low self-confidence because they base their worth on what other people think of them,” he explains. “True confidence comes from the inside, not the outside.” Easier said than done, however. If people-pleasing is your tendency, here’s how to set healthy boundaries with people.

Talk more than they listen

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Your first mental image of “confidence” may involve speaking in front of a crowd or leading a team, but in reality, the more confident people are, the less they feel like they have to prove themselves. “This means they are slow to speak and quick to listen, especially with those closest to them,” Patrick explains. Unfortunately lots of people think they’re great listeners when they’re really not. Read these 7 clear signs you’re being a bad listener to make sure your listening skills are up to par.

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